You Have Mail!
by PinkPanther9.7
Summary: In Modern day England Thomas and friends are human and working in a office in London and soon the States. Smuggling weapons, throwing employees out the windows and annoying chain mail. an ordinary day in sodor Telegraph ... or not. R
1. Chapter 1

To Devious Diesel

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Weaponry in the office.

Someone should tell Indiana not to bring his saw blade into the office, Sir Toppam Hattwill pitch a fit if he sees it. Did you see the coffee stains on the carpet? Salty sure is accident prone. Okay back to the whole Indiana saw blade topic, I swear he is being influenced by Heron Zhu Aden.

Thomas

* * *

To Ichi Thomas

From Devious Diesel

Subject: Heron

Sir Toppam hatt just walked in to our department. If he finds out about what he stuffed in his drawer Indiana will be in deep slag, incidentally did you see the small explosion in the harbour management office today? I swear Salty's brother is a bloody pain in the exhaust.

Oh back to the subject, Heron sure is annoying, just this morning he sent me a email with a stupid little animation with a banana in it.

D. Diesel

* * *

To Devious Diesel

From Ichi Thomas

Subject: Animation

Show me.

Thomas.

* * *

To Ichi Thomas

From: Devious Diesel:

Subject: show me.

Can't some prat disabled the access, I bet it Was Gordon from the IT Department, the stupid dingbat. Oh no somebody just found the cling film in the bog again. Emily is screaming in the ladies next door.

Please remind James to send his report to the smelters department. It is due in today.

thanks much.

D. Diesel.

* * *

To: Salty

From: Hatt Toppam

Subject: Explosion

What the hell went off there? I was enjoying my cream Bun then suddenly my office shook and there was a sparkly boom then purple smoke. I swear if Colin blows up the Harbour Department, I will throw him out on his ear.

Sir. T Hatt.

* * *

To: Hatt Toppam

From: Salty

Subject: Colin

It wasn' his fault the photocopier blew up and it suffocated the whole Department with smoke. We opened the window and the smoke ignited the white sprit. I got a tip off that one of Your employees smuggled in a weapon today.

Salty

* * *

To: Indiana

From Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Saw Blade staff

Sir. Hatt is getting suspicious Indi, I heard him talking to Emily and Edward about it, if you don't stop bringing it in we are both in for a pile o' trouble. Tomorrow I advise you to leave it at home.

Oh did ya hear the explosion in the Harbour management department this morning?

Heron

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Trouble

Ha! look who's talking, I heard about your little Banana phone mass email to everyone in the Department, Sir Fatty hasn't bothered bargin' into my office cubicle yet looking for it.

So what's with the bloody fuss.

Indiana

P.S I heard a very good Joke about Gingers today.

* * *

To: indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Gingers

No more bloody ginger jokes already!

Heron

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Lady

Subject: Farquar quarry Depatment

I swear I can hear Mavis yell at Vickers for some absurd reason, I bet its because he dyed his hair electric green for a bet with Zhu Aden and Roku. Oh dear she just threw him out the window. I guess the Medbay will have a patient today

Lady.

* * *

To: Staff of Sodor Telegraph

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Car ruined

What in the buffers of Sodoru is BoCo doing embedded in my car? And why is there a crashing noise radiating out of the Quarry department?

Edward

* * *

To: Indiana, Zhu Aden Heron, Ichi Thomas

From Ni Edward

Subject: Weaponry

To my office now, I will not have you smuggling dangerous weapons into my Department.

Ni Edward.

* * *

To: Indiana

From Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: I told you so! Twit!

Your bloody lucky we ain't been fired yet you bloody great dipstick, now Ni is watching us like a bloody hawk.

Git.

From,

Heron

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Puff ball Indi

Listen, we got to talk about your 'friendship' with ol' flat funnel. Meet me at Lunch in the Editorial Department at 12 I really mean it Carrot top.

D10

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Coal head.

Listen, stop being a git to Indiana. Speaking of whom that twit smuggled his weapon into work today I can't tell you the details right now, ol' pony bum is lurking around my computer. Lunch time it is.

Heron

P.S: If you was anyone other than my brother I'd bash your head in at that carrot top insult.

* * *

To: Colin

From: Salty

Subject: Photocopier

Is it fixed yet Zorran has been bugging me about it for thirty minutes.

Salty.

* * *

To: Salty

From: Colin

Subject: re: Photocopier

No Salty its not fixed yet. It shot paper at me when I tried repairing it. Its knackered, so it needs replacing.

Colin.

* * *

From: Vickers BoCo

To: Ni Edward

Subject: article.

Attached: Clay pit cave in article (Dot) docX

You will find the due article enclosed, I got it done soon after I got out of Med bay. Oh hum Mavis is still annoyed. I'll just make my self scarce for the rest of the day

BoCo.

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Zorran

Subject ...

Attached: Engine pornz trojian

You have mail twerp

ha ha

Zorran

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject Forget it

You are the biggest dipstick I ever met brother, honestly sending chain mail to the Harbour management Department, that was soo bloody 'clever'. Oh anyway your choice of sandwitches are to be desired ... you suck at making the sandwitch

Heron

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Spellings

Hey now Ginger, you suck at spellings, go google up a dictionary. I swear you are just as bad as Pony Bum Ni.

D10

* * *

To: Salty

From Zorran

Subject Forking copier!

Why has the forking hankies copier died? What the fork is up with my email why does it change my language into hankies and forks

Zorran

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Top Hat

Subject: Swearing

Considering that your use of foul language is inappropriate so I took the liberty of installing profanity filters on your computer. By the way I heard Ten Cents is gonna work in the main department under Ni and Roku. Oh no stupid Colin just tipped my tea all over my computer.

That Colin is such a hoodlum

* * *

Top Hat.

To: Top Hat

From: Zorran

Subject: What? That is so unfair!

Your Dead monocle face!

Zorran

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Go James

Subject: reprimand

I heard Edward shout from out here, you musta done something bad to piss him off big time. Anyway, I need you to look over a few files for me, just to make sure I got all the hot points to the article on red paint for my Painting the world column.

Just so you know, I can see that -why did i get shanghaied into this job look- from here, you are in the cubicle opposite to me you know honestly Indi you are just as bad as Zhu Aden sometimes.

James

* * *

To: Saff members

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Interns

Announcement, wee will have some new interns working in our office block, no more shenanigans from you or else

your fired.

* * *

To: Go James

From Indiana

Subject: Watch it

Careful now James, Edward is doing his rounds and he is in a bad mood notice he has his -I am pissy- face on.

Indiana

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Go James

Subject: Look who's talking

Says the fool who smuggled in your weapon this morning, seriously for the sake of still being employed LEAVE. IT. AT. HOME! I swear, they will be frisking you to check that you didn't sneak it in next time.

Yo can count on that.

James

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Malicious emails to Mr. Ichi

It has come to my attention that you have been sending viruses to Mr. Ichi's computer to show train porn on the screen saver. Your email account has been disabled, report to Mr. Tram's office this afternoon.

Gordon Yon

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Report

Have you got yer report done yet it is due in today.

But derailing completely off subject it looks like Zorran's on a warpath, he just threw his computer out the window and onto Tobias's new mini, it looks like Edward is coming over to your cubicle.

Thomas

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: About the smuggling escapade

We need to talk, we have a coffee break in five minutes. Meet me in the foyer. And, for the love of the great steam engines don't butcher the receptionists this time.

Better yet keep your saw blade in your filing cabinet for the rest of today, you are lucky that Sir Toppam Hatt didn't see it! Otherwise we will be in heaps o' trouble three times over.

Heron.

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Receptionists

They were asking for it, and no Fatty didn't see it.

so quit worrying.

see you in 5.

Indi

* * *

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Yer toast

I swear if you spill latte over my shirt again I will throw you out the window head first.

got it.

Vincent

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: re: Yer toast

It was an accident, the mug broke and you just was in the way,

Colin

* * *

To: Tram Tobias

from: Yon Gordon

Subject: Interesting emails

First it was about Indiana sneaking in weapons and then Mavis throwing one of her employees out the window. Just an ordinary day in Sodor Telegraph.

Gordon

* * *

To: Mavis

From: Vickers BoCo

Subject: Window

Mr. Ni sued you for damage to his car and the Quarry Department.

Oh, the article on the clay pits was handed to the publisher department today.

BoCo

P.S: Throwing people is not a good stress reliever.

* * *

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: Stupid little twit

Yer retard of a brother ruined yet another shirt.

Vincent

* * *

To: Vincent

From Salty

Subject: Re: Stupid little twit

Well that explains the great big poo coloured stain down yer shirt matey. I'll get Daisy to send up a new one.

Salty.

* * *

To: Geen Daisy

From: Salty

Subject: Latte

Daisy, I Wonder if there is a green shirt available.

Accident is Colin related.

Salty

* * *

To: Salty

From: Green Diasy

Subject: re: Latte

Yes I'll get Bill to send it up to your department.

You got ta do something about him.

Diasy Green.

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Re: Report

You'll get it when its done puffball.

D10

* * *

To: Roku Percy

From: Lady

Subject: Window

Looks like Colin wants to fly. Vincent lobbed him out the window into the pond, at least the fish have some company, So hows sorting out our mail coming along?

Lady

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Salty

Subject: Throwing Colin

Out the window isn't how we solve problems, okay he was askin' fer it but still ... Anyway apparently Sir Toppam Hatt wants all reports in by Lunch.

Get moving!

Salty

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Did you see what I saw?

Ginger and Indi at the foyer? I mean the fact that they are talking to each other makes it note worthy to mention. Incidentally did you see Colin make a flying attempt out the Harbour Management department earlier? I mean that Vincent sure put ol' Colin the pain in his place.

L.O.L

So you know I need your article on Sodor iron works by lunch.

Thomas

To: Zorran

From Zebedee

Subject: Interview

Hey you heard? Salty is gonna get someone to interview the Prime minister next week. Hopefully its not gonna be Colin or Vincent.

Zeb

P.S: To bad about being Top Hat's intern.

* * *

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: Trouble

Is it me or is the interns up to something?

Vince

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Salty

Subject: Mischief

They are Z stacks after all from the TUG evening Sun company. Tell you what I'll see to it you are situated away from them after lunch. For their sakes. Windows are not for throwing people out of.

Salty

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Lunch

I never thought you would blurt out in front of everyone in the canteen that Lady smells of pampers. Boy the sound of your face when she decked you is note worthy ka smack straight on the cheek.

Congrats Ichi, you officially fail at love.

Dweeb.

Heron

:P

* * *

To Zhu Aden Heron

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Pampers

Shut up Carrot top,

Thomas

P.S: I meant to say perfume.

* * *

To: Zug

From: Zebedee

Subject: Prank

Remember what I said at lunch, when Zorran gives us the signal.

Zeb

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Zug

Subject: Re: Prank

What thing?

Zug

* * *

To: Zug

From: Zebedee

Subject: !

HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER THE FACT I TOLD YOU WE WERE GOING TO RIG ALL THE PRINTERS TO SPIT INK AT EVERYONE! THEN WE BLAME IT ALL ON COLIN!

IDIOT

Zeb

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Flying and Zebby

Why was Zebedee shrieking at his computer for five minutes straight about printers? is it a TUG thing?

Word on the vine o' gossip is that Thomas said that Lady smelt like Pampers.

I'll smell her next time I am down in the main Department, I am sure she doesn't wear nappies.

Now I know one thing we can't fly like super man.

Colin

* * *

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Fish

Do you want to join them again?

stop emailing me.

Vince

* * *

To: Zip

From: Zug

Subject: Shouting

Why Is Zeb yelling at the computer, he can just get up and go through the plan with us and Zorran

Zip.

* * *

To: Z- Stacks

From: TUG Press

Subject: Employment

You are hereby employed at Sodor Telegraph, The Stars will return to the TUG paper company by the end of the week.

TUG Evening press manager.

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Top Hat

Subject: Your Voice

please use your indoor voice!

Top Hat

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Zebedee

Subject: Taking a leaf from a book

One of these days monocle face Imma gonna throw you out the window and into the bramble bush.

Zebedee.

* * *

To: Lady

From: Zak

Subject: Nappies

Do you smell like nappies?

Zak

* * *

To: Zak

From: Lady

Subject: WHAT!

Why the the hell do you know about that Zak? Does stupidity spread so fast? Anyway I do not smell like, Pampers, Huggies or those cheapo Waterton disposables.

Now stop emailing me about it!

Lady

* * *

To: Staff

From: Hatt Toppam

Subject: Departments

I am giving out a list of Departments, due to some Interns winding up lost in the building and the head bosses

Harbour Management - Salty

Farquar Quarry - Mavis

Iron works- Devious Diesel

Art Department- kiiro Molly

Editorial Department - Crane Cranky

Main Department - Ni Edward

IT Department: Yon Gordon and Tram Tobias

Oh By the way, tomorrow is a open day tour guide for watertonPrimary School so behave!

Sir. T Hatt

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Salty

Subject: Pulling a Vincent

For the love of the sea please stop using the window to lob stuff out from. It was bad enough Vincent lobbing Colin out of it.

And now you!

One of these days Imma going to board that window up.

Salty

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Huggies

Hey you get lumped with Lady working on the stardust agony aunt column this afternoon. Find out if she does smell like nappies. Coz everyone has been avoiding our department since the incident.

The whole building has caught wind of Thomas's little boo boo at lunch today.

News travels fast.

Heron

* * *

To Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Re: Huggies

Your joking right? I heard Duck snickering about something earlier this afternoon.. I thought it was the Repremand I got. But he told me that Lady wears Eau de Pampers. According to Thomas at lunch

What has nappies got to do with anything?

Indi

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron, Indiana

From: Lady

Subject: Stupid nappy gossiping

Enough with the gossip, jeez

Indiana I can hear and see you Laughing like mad, don't deny it I can see perfectly into your cubicle.

Heron, I am gonna kill you for gossiping!

Lady

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Top Hat

Subject: Your little stunt.

How dare you throw me, Top Hat out of that window. Do not give me that smug look. Just wait till we get dispached to WartertonPrimary school for a important job

Revenge!

Top Hat the splendid.

To Top Hat

* * *

From: Zebedee

Subject: Splendid

The day you become splendid anything is the day Colin stops being annoying.

which is never! long neck

Zebedee.

* * *

To: Zebedee

From Top Hat

Subject: I beg your pardon

Zebedee you are asking for a head plant into your monitor screen. By the way is that you making snooty faces at me? Oh no its Zak being a nit wit. I say Zebedee that scarf looks ... Dashing.

Top Hat.

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Salty

Subject: This is why I hate Mondays

Top Hat just shoved Zebedee's head into his computer screen, I need you to email Danni at the Hardware Department to bring up a new computer monitor. This is one of my reasons why I preferred to be the IT Admin, then dealing with these two, Vincent and Colin.

Seriously I wonder about those four.

Salty

* * *

To: Salty

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Sigh

Again? That is the fourth this week, but its my job to supply software and hardware. Incidentally do you need a log on all the strange emails about nappies? I am sure you'll be amused.

Gordon Yon

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Computer

Hey, Danni I need you to take a computer monitor up to Harbour Management apparently there was a catastrophe with Zebedee and Top Hat.

On other notes are you free this evening?

Love

Gordie pie.

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From Dannirella

Subject: Re: Computer

What? Again, they should start docking their wages every time they trash the equipment. God they behave like children.

Where do you want to go this evening?

Danni

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Dinner

I was thinking, Ten Cents cafe, I hear they are THE top notch food chain in Sodoru.

How about I see you at seven

love,

Gordie pie

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Dannirella

Subject: Seven

Meet me at my place at six fifty, I'll be waiting

Danni

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Salty

Subject: Nappies?

How in the hell did the subject of nappies crop up?

Salty

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Head plant

Did you see Top Hat smash Zeb's head through his monitor?

* * *

Colin

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Re: Head plant

You wanna try it as well you little twerp?

stop emailing me!

Vince

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Salty

Subject: Thank you

Thanks for getting the new monitor up here at such short notice. Incidentally have you applied for the Internship at the IT department? I hear that they do 4 year Administration training with Gordon and Toby.

100% chance of employment.

If you want the leaflet I can send it to you.

Salty

* * *

To: Salty

From Dannirella

Subject: Re: Thank you

OMG!

send it to me!

Danni

P.S: I will apply three times for a chance to see Gordon!

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Salty

Subject: Internship

Attached: Intern _ IT Admin (.com) *pub

The leaflet is enclosed.

Salty

* * *

To: Salty

From: Dannirella

Subject Re: Internship

Thank you so much, I'll apply A.S.A.P!

Danni

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Zak

Subject: Epic fail

You got to see the inside of your computer, what now?

Zak

* * *

To: Zak

From: Zebedee

Subject: Plan

Zorran has rigged the printers in the whole place to spray everyone with ink at two o' clock. I can't tell you the details coz Salty is patrolling our area at the moment.

Zeb

* * *

To: Colin

From: Vincent

WHAT THE GOD DAMN HELL DID YOU DO TO THE PRINTER! THERE GOES ANOTHER FORKING SHIRT **YOU** RUINED!

Vincent

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Pitching fits

Hey, hey Vince don't get yer panties in a twist, I haven't touched yer printer. Incidently mine chewed up my report on the Big Micky reconstruction Project. it was due today.

Do Printers eat Humans?

Colin.

* * *

To: Colin

From: Vincent:

Subject: Its alive

I swear my printer tried biting my hand off just now.

Vince


	2. Chapter 2

To: Dannirella

From: Tram Tobias

Subject: Accepted

Dannirella You have been accepted as a IT department Intern, please report to the Admin office, you will start this morning.

Sincerely,

Tobias Tram.

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From Dannirella

Subject: Intern

Guess what I am your intern for four years, isn't that cool. I can help you with Emails and stuff. I may actually be able to go to the art Department this time.

eeeeeeeee!

Danni

* * *

P.S Dinner was gorgeous, Mr. Ten Cents is a wonderful cook.

To: Zorran

From: Paddle OJ

Subject: Tug eating Printers

This is was bad idea from the start, what the darn heck were you thinking. Now the whole Legal office is in a uproar! Zorran you have landed all of Harbour Management in trouble. Seriously do you have common sense or did you loose that as well.

Tsk and its only Tuesday morning you block head.

OJ

* * *

To: Paddle OJ

From: Zorran

Subject: Re: Tug eating printers

Heh, I was gettin' sick of the Eau De Pampers gossip. So what if it was a highlight yesterday, its gone and now that I got my E- Mail back I can send Ni those reports on the Tugs and Trains summit.

Zorran

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Zebedee

Subject: Quit yelling

You know E mail doesn't go any faster when you yell at it.

Zeb

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Zorran

Subject: Seriously

Shut up Zebedee, the fact that I do shout at my computer is none of your business.

Zorran

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Dannirella

Subject: I can read your email

Hi there Hatty how are ya?

Danni

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Not again

Indianaaa! I thought We agreed not to keep bringing weapons in to work. Apparently you are deaf so lets try it again.

**STOP BRINGING YOUR BLOODY SAW BLADE INTO WORK!**

Look I can't keep vouching fer you when Eddy the bossy gets on my case about it. So when it is coffee break put it in your car and leave it there.

Heron

P.S: Did you get my text message about the foam party this week end?

* * *

To: Lady

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: I need to talk to you

Look about yesterday, I didn't mean to say you smelt of pampers. I meant to say Perfume but it came out as pampers and I am awfully ashamed. I'll make it up to you at lunch I swear. Oh it seems that Harbour Management is in heaps o' trouble as Heron would put it.

Thomas

* * *

To: All staff of Sodor Telegraph

From: Dannirella

I LOVE GORDON

Dani

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Mass emails

Quit the mass emails, that is a general rule: No mass emailing the company. You'll freeze the server.

Edward Ni

* * *

To: Sunshine

From: Zorran

Subject: Vincent's new shirt

Did you see it this morning? It looks like a badly mixed fruit salad. As usual he's scowling at Colin. I bet ya he'll throw him into the pond again.

Zorran

* * *

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: WTF!

What in the bloody hell was Daisy thinking giving me a stupid retarded shirt. I look like a fruit salad with dashings of lemon custard! I can't wear this!

Fix it!

Vincent

P.S: Marvelous now Zorran is laughing at me!

P.P.S: I really hate you!

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Zip

Subject: Vincent

Attached: Vince's new shirt *.JPG

Get a load of this!

Zip

* * *

To: Go James

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Fwd: Vincent

Attached: Vince's new shirt *.JPG

Heh, this may interest you.

D10

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Colin

Subject: Vincent is still' pissed

I think he's still annoyed with me about the printer. He would not stop glaring at me from across the room. Did you get the Email I sent to Bigg City Zero HQ?

Colin

* * *

To: Colin

From: Zebedee

Subject: Re: Vincent is still pissed

Unfortunantly no,

Zorran froze the server and deleted our email. We just got it fixed this mornin'. Captain Z was not amused, we had to send in our articles to him before work today as a result.

We had to change servers. Ugh now I can hear Mavis yelling at someone I bet its Vickers and his bright blue and green striped hair.

As usual.

Zeb.

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Tram Tobias

Subject: Email maintinence

There will be a Email server defragmentation in one hour, please email the Farquar and the main Department that they will have no email this morning till lunch time today.

Harbour Management and the IT department will be without Email this afternoon.

Tobias Tram.

* * *

To: All staff of the Main department, Farquar Department and Harbour Management

From: Dannirella

Subject: Fwd: Email maintinence

There will be a Email server defragmentation in one hour, please email the Farquar and the main Department that they will have no email this morning till lunch time today.

Harbour Management and the IT department will be without Email this afternoon.

Tobias Tram.

Just forwarding a message.

Danni

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Re: Not again

You worry too much, Sir Fatty hasn't seen it yet. So what? I hid it in the drawer under my desk. Its not like I'll slice someone's head off today.

Indi

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Re: Re: Not again

Yeah right.

Something tells me that you will use your saw blade on someone Indiana.

Don't blame me when you get sent to Sir. Hatts office.

Heron.

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Top Hat

Subject: I Say

Danni its a pleasure to see you again, hows the Internship?

Top Hat

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Zebedee

Subject: Shirt

You do know you look like a badly chewed up fruit salad with lumpy custard.

Zeb

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Vincent

Subject: Go die

If you make a snide comment like that again I am going to come over there and strangle you with that scarf of yours! I mean it or better yet throw you out the top floor of Sodor Telegraph!

And I will do it Zebedee Stack!

Moron.

Vincent

* * *

To: Top Hatt

From: Dannirella

Subject: Re: I say

I am Doing great!

The internship is busy, I got a message saying that the Art department caught fire apparently it had something to do with Horrid Hector and Bowler making a pigs ear out of the printing machine.

Danni.

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Top Hat

Subject: Pigs ears

Its the same thing over here too, Zebedee and Vincent are quarrelling and looks like Vincent had a run in with a fruit salad float. He has just stapled Zip's hand into the table.

Loonies.

Top Hat

* * *

To: Bowler David

From: Horrid Hector

Subject: Paper goes in the right side

David, I was right, left is were it goes out not in. I am suprised Molly didn't fire you.

Hector

* * *

To: Zak

From: Salty

Subject Tuesday's Newspaper

Go up to the art Department and collect the papers and then bring them to the Editoral. Remember to keep to the left corridor. I don't think Reasources would like to execute another Zak retrieval mission.

Hurry before Edward pitches a fit at the delay!

Thanks Much.

* * *

To: Green Daisy

From: Vincent

Subject: Fruit salad

Why the hell did you send this up to me? It looks stupid. I have been getting spam from the Iron works Department about fruit salad and badly drawn pictures of me covered in custard.

fix. It. Now!

Vincent.

* * *

To: Vickers BoCo

From: Iron 'Arry

Subject: Vince the custard

Attached: Vince's new shirt .*JPG

This is epic fail but funny.

'Arry

* * *

From: Green Daisy

To: Vincent

Subject: Re: Fruit salad

Your new shirt is en route to your Department.

Daisy Green.

To: Top Hat

* * *

From: Sunshine

Subject: Coffee break escapade

Sunshine,

Did you see Vincent today I swear he looks like he sneezed on his shirt, he's the one with the yellow shirt with green splats. Zebedee asked Vince if he wasn't able to find a tissue so he wiped his nose on his shirt instead . Vincent then marched over and strangled the poor bastard.

Top Hat

* * *

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: Stupid effin' Diesel!

That is you in the subject line, now everyone is taking the piss! Tell that bitch in reasources to send up a shirt I can actually wear.

Vincent

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Reasorces

Looks like Vincent is having trouble with shirts today. The whole Sodor Telegraph is talking about it.

On other notes now that we managed to defragment the Main Department's Email server that should be up and running again. Looks like Vincent broke his computer. I am sure his was the Dell flat screen that was hurled out the window of Harbour Management right now.

Gordon

* * *

To: Go James

From: Roku Percy

Subject: Computers

Why is there a smashed Dell computer in the pond? Why am I being bombarded with continuious chain mail?

Percy

* * *

To: Roku Percy

From: Devious Diesel

Subject: Post

Is my new stapler here yet?

* * *

To: Green Daisy

From: Salty

Subject: Ink removal

Try to get a shirt that doesn't look like a snotty hankachief. Vincent is going nuts.

Salty

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Project

Attached: Sodoru Open day *.DocX

Could you print this off for me? I ran out of ink after me printer sprayed ink continously into my seat for a hour.

Heron

* * *

To: Lady

From: Zebedee

Subject: Contracts

I was wondering? If you know when the contract for the Atmosia Mirror company take over will be arriving into the Legal Department? Zorran was wondering about it and I thought I might ask you.

Zebedee

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Lady

Subject: Re: Contracts

I honestly don't know, there hasn't been any word of it since last year. Maybe you should ask Harold about it.

Lady

* * *

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: About time

You got me a decent shirt.

Vincent

* * *

To: Staff of Sodor Telegraph

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Tour

The mini bus is here, be on your best behaviour

Ni -Sama.

* * *

To: Top Hatt

From: Zorran

Subject: Tour day

Here Monacle face, I bet the kiddies won't want to work here.

while you are here at least.

Top Snobby uppity Hat

Zorran

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Top Hat

Subject: Insolence

Why you insolent little twerp, just wait till lunch!

You are toast!

Top Hat

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Salty

Subject Impromptu kid alert

Please remind Vincent that he is not to staple Zip's hand on the table. Oh better yet call the hospital.

Salty.

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Interface

No comment!

Heron

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Re: Interface

WTF are you on about Heron?

Indi

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Colin

Subject: Tours

Word on the grape vine is that a primary school is coming and seeing Vincent's computer is smashed into Mr. Bubble's pond. Please tell him not to go lobbing others out the window. Its bad enough that our Koi had met their end when he threw his computer.

Oh incidently I heard Zak's got lost en route to the main Department, go find him.

Colin

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Salty

Subject: Vincent

We need another monitor up here stat, he broke his, he lost his temper about the handkerchief shirt he was wearing earlier today and threw his screen out into the pond. I had to convince him not to break his desk.

Give me strength

Salty

* * *

To: Salty

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Re: Vincent

I saw the monitor fly from in the IT department earlier; a new monitor will be there in five minutes. All that we got is an old CRT monitor. This is the reasons why Vincent should have been placed in the Munitions Department.

Gordon Yon

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Gordon

Subject: Monitor duty

Please take the old CRT monitor up to Harbour Management there has been another catastrophe, this time it was Vincent pitching a hissy fit at Salty.

Gordon

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Dannirella

Subject: Re: Monitor Duty

Okay Gordie pie

Danni

* * *

To: Ni Edward

From: Hatt Toppam

Subject: Tours

Please send Mr. Zhu Aden and Mr. Ichi down to the foyer; I have assigned them to give the Warterton Primary school a tour of the building. Make sure that no catastrophe happens when they arrive.

I am putting you in charge of this operation Ni

Sir. T. Hatt

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas, Zhu Aden Heron

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Important Job

You two are to go to the Foyer to over see the open day tour, do not mess this up.

Edward Ni

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Out off office for the rest of the morning

I won't be around till lunch, so send any reports needed to my brother D10 till I come back.

Thanks much.

Heron

:3

P.S: Did you put that saw blade in yer car yet Indi?

* * *

To: Go James

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Useful

I am going to be a really useful Employee to Sir. Hatt.

See you at lunch

Oh before I forget, please send my invoice to D10 for me.

He still owes me that hole puncher.

Thomas

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Go Percy

Subject: Hey Diesel

Have you got that hole puncher in your drawer? Thomas wants it back.

James

* * *

To: Go James

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Re: Hey Diesel

No I haven't.

I lent it to Zak and Zebedee at Harbour Management earlier when they arrived, Zak apparently got lost and Zebedee was sent to find him.

Incidentally did you take my stapler from my desk?

D10

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Go James

Subject: Your Hole punch

It is currently in Harbour management. Get the punch off Zak at lunch, if he has it on him at that moment.

Hey Tom you better gets moving Heron has already left towards the foyer, good luck working with him.

James

* * *

To: Zak

From: Go James

Subject: Lunch

I hear that it is fish and chip Day, it moved from Fridays to Tuesdays. Incidentally, Diesel 10 lent you a blue hole puncher earlier. It is Thomas's bring it with you at 12.

James

* * *

To: Vickers BoCo

From: Clay Bill

Subject: Where are you?

Mavis has been having fits; you better not have dyed your hair pink otherwise she is going to gut you.

You better be back at the Farquar department by 11am

Bill

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Indiana

Subject: What is going on with the server?

The Internet is down, I tried looking on the internet for a report on Dial up for Heron and the internet crashed.

Are you having the same problems?

Indi

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Internet

Yes, it has started throwing a fit on my computer as well. Gordon must be fiddling with the transmitter.

The stupid Dingbat.

D10

* * *

To: Staff of Sodor Telegraph

From Ni Edward, Tram Tobias, Dannirella

Subject: Appologies

We regret to inform you that the server is gone awry and will need to have a technician from Sodoru Server Company come in to replace the transistors on the main transmitter.

This means that there will be no internet or email until it is fixed.

Given to our Internal Server dilemma the whole area will have no T.V seeing as we have Analogue bandwidth broadcasting from our main transmitter.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

IT Staff

* * *

To: Staff of Sodor Telegraph

From: IT Staff

Subject: Email

Dear All,

A Sodoru technician came in today, he managed to fix the Email server but we still do not have internet, I would advise not to attempt to go onto our home page. Tobias will alert your supervisers once we solve the internal server error.

Thank you for your patience.

Gordon Yon

* * *

To: Zak

From: Colin

Subject: Your Brother

Where is Zebedee, he was at the photocopier and he then vanished. Top snooty uppity hat musta locked him in the filing cabnet. God knows why. At least Vince is being behaved. He hasn't punched the screen once. Oh never mind Zeb's just appeared from the copier room holding a copier toner roll thingy.

Colin

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Whats goin' on

Why is Zip and Zug in our department playing Rambo and commandos under our desks when they are supposed to be in Harbour Management? Eddie is gonna have a fit when he sees them messing around in here. They found the staple guns and are menacing Indiana who's just lobbed his big heavy ring binder at them.

Send zorran as soon as possible.

D10

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From Top Hat

Subject: Busy

I am far too busy to ask Zorran to retrieve his silly - Ouch, he threw a DIRTY toner at me.

T.H

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Re: Busy

Serves you right for being uppity!

D10

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Top Hat

Subject: I say

You rude little oik, wait till lunch you idiot

Top Hat

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Dannirella

Subject: Calm down

You do know that fighting isn't helpful.

Danni

* * *

To: Indiana

From Go James

Subject: Zug and Zip

I see they stormed into your cubicle shouting something about one small step for man: One giant leap for tug kind! They ran full tilt into it shoving you out - ow- they lobbed a sellotape roll at me. Where are you at?

James

* * *

To: Go James:

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Buggers

I am hi jacking Thomas's email.

Those little buggers took my cubicle and shouted your email across the room for the world to hear.

Indi

P.S Zebedee just came through the door and went into Heron's cubicle coz of all the rubber bands flying around. Typical.

* * *

To: Diesel 10

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Hijacked yer bro's email

Considering the huge disruption caused by Zug and Zip, this is more entertaining than teasing Snob Hat ... Top Hat. Incidently did you know Heron has a embarrasing photo of you drunk off your rocker?

Black mail time!

Zeb.

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Colin

Subject: Immature

Jeez an'you call me the immature one have you looked out of the window recently your friends are causing Pandamonium in the main department.

Colin.

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: San Percy

Subject: Get a load of what they are playing with

erm Indi You might want to keep yer saw blade at home, coz they are demolishing the department with it.

Percy

* * *

To: San Percy

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: 0_o?

WHAT?

Indi

* * *

To: Go James

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Chaos

You might want to barracade your cubicle coz Zip has Indi's saw blade and is flinging it around. Flora is going to pitch a fit when she finds her flowers beheaded. Oh crap they are after meee!

Zorran should ban the Rambo movies from HQ!

Zeb

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Aaaagh

Zip and Zug are wrecking the department!

D10

* * *

To: Indiana

From Ni Edward

Subject: TROUBLE

I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR NOT TO BRING THAT WEAPON IN THE OFFICE, I WILL ALERT SIR. T HATT IF I CATCH YOU WITH IT AGAIN! YOU ARE TO MARCH OUTSIDE AND PUT IT IN THE CAR! THEN TIDY THE MESS IN THE DEPARTMENT!

NOW YOU SEE WHY WE DON'T LET WEAPONS IN HERE!

IS THAT CLEAR!

Edward Ni

* * *

To: Zorran

from: top Hat

Subject: The holligans you call friends are back

Zug, Zip and Zebedee are back in harbour management after what I can gather from their convesation they got yelled at by Ni and sent back here, Salty is not amused in the slightest, he heard the commotion from way up here.

You Z stacks are trouble.

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Zorran

Subject: Ugh

You are a pig Snob Hat,

Anyone with forking ears could hear that commotion in a three block radius or has your head inflated so much that your ears shrank?

Zorran

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Zebedee

Subject: Top Hat

I saw him grumble about something.

What was it?

Zeb

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Zorran

Subject: Re: Top Hat

I just insulted him good.

Come on its lunch time, lets get down there before it starts filling up and we won't be able to find a seat. Bring Zug, Zip and Zak. I need a word with you lot.

Zorran

* * *

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Where were you

You vanished.

Vince

* * *

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Re: Where were you

I had to be sent down to the main department, a racket broke out when Zip and Zug started playing Rambo down there.

Its a total warzone down there.

Colin

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Zak

Subject: Dinner cook at lunch

Have you noticed the cherry aide tasted suspiciously of Prune juice today. I could get a smell of prune from the cup. I am surprised that they had lied when they say its Tuesday chip extravaganza. That dinner was awful. I ain't kidding, it makes your cassarole suprise seem apitizing. I swear I can still taste those wellington boots from yesterday's supper.

Yuck!

Zak

* * *

To: Zak

From: Zorran

Subject: Prunes and sick

Yaris is back and he can't cook.

What are you implying Zak?

I do not suck at cooking and my cassaroles do not taste like welligton boots!

Cheeky Mustard

(I hate those profanity filters!)

Zorran

* * *

To: Zorran

From: Zak

Subject: Cook

Oh yeah I had to use the rinse, spit and repeat once I finished YOUR cooking. Yes it does taste like wellington boots.

Ask Zebedee

Zak

* * *

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Irritating

Thats what you are, jeez do you ever stop talking? You ask idiotic questions, spray food when you talk and above all you destroyed my shirt AGAIN THIS TIME WITH PRUNE JUICE.

You cause any more spills on me and I will bloody kill you!

Vince

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: I know

What happened at the department with Zip and Zug and yer staff. Now I hope you learnt sommat from all this. I told ya yesterday you either learn it the easy way or the hard way. And, you decided to choose the latter.

Heron

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Buggers

Well if those two buggers didn't barge in here playing that stupid game. None of this would have happened. Obviously, the fact that the doors were wide open made it a irresistible place to cause confusion and delay.

Indi

* * *

P.S: Lunch today was disgusting tapioca pie tastes like cold sick with crust.

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Tapioca Pie.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was sick to be honest. It had the texture of it at least.

Heron

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject oh the images

Heron that is revolting now I think Imma gonna be ill.

Indi

* * *

To: Colin

From: Salty

Subject: sandwiches

Do you still have your peanut butter ones left, coz I got a strong taste o' prunes in my mouth. Honestly they should tell the cook, Yaris to bugger off.

Better yet get rid of a cafeteria food and get a buffet of stuff that is edible.

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Top Hat

Subject: Report

Get off your lazy backside and get those ink rollers to the art department, it appears that the place has had a tsunami of ink flood the place at lunch.

T. H

* * *

To: Top Hat

From Zebedee

Subject: No

Why don't you go up there yourself? Lazy ass.

Zeb.

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Go James

Subject: Lady

I see she is not speaking to you still; I don' blame her that nappy escapade was embarrassing and she if to rub in the salt has not been out of the loo since lunch. She said that the Tapioca made her feel sick and the prunes sicker. Incidentally did you know the cook is dizzy Yaris, he is Zeb's distant cousin. I am surprised Yaris is working here.

I thought he was taking time off work.

James

* * *

To: Go James

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject Ol' Dizzy Yaris

I saw him several times at the refreshment department face planted on his desk snoring. Thats when I was deliver some paper work to Mr. Dough the then head chef. He got fustrated with the fact that Yar was constantly somnolent during the day.

Incidental, I must send him a Email telling him about the prune juice and the vomit called tapioca.

Tom.

* * *

To: Yaris

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Oh wake up for a bit.

Hi there Yar how is you?

I am glad to see you back in Sodor Telegraph, but that's not what I was Emailing you about. Did you notice the new menus from now till Christmas, Chip Extravaganza has been moved to Tuesday not Friday? Tapioca day is now Friday not today. I understand that you have to do what Dough tells you but, bear in mind you must be prepared to start cooking Christmas dinner near December time. Lets just hope you have regained your senses by then. (Not to sound rude)

Thomas.

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Yaris

Subject: Hi Thomas

Hi Tommy

Eh Fine i Guess

Oops,

well not my fault. Dough forgot to send me new menus, Tapioca did look bad. Not my problem. Christmas Dinner is getting too early these days. Last Year it was in early December, now its in November. Jeez when does ol' Fatty keep to the same date year after year, and why am I raving? Change the subject, so Thomas patch things up with Lady yet? She looked upset today. Mr. Dough is waving his arms at Ten Cents for squirting ketchup at a intern.

Yar

* * *

To: Yaris

From: Sunshine

Subject: Biscuits

Do you mind bringing up some we ran out

Sunny

* * *

To: Sunshine

From: Yaris

Subject: Ran out

Well come down here and get some then, jeez!

Yaris

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Dannirella

Subject: Lunch

I am so glad we took ourselves to TC's cafe today, I have been reading all the emails today apparently it was Tapioca and Prune juice. Today seems like a boring day not enough action. Tonight I was thinking of going to a nightclub tonight. Before you worry, tomorrow is a half day for the main and IT departments so we can squeeze in a fun night out.

What do you say Gordie?

Danni

* * *

To: Dannirella

From Yon gordon

Subject: Date

I read that there is a new nightclub opening tonight called Duck's Euphoria. I heard that the music is fantastic. I bet all of the Main Department is going too. Lets say we meet up at the parking lot at six, we will be able to get in first that way.

Gordie pie

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Dannirella

Subject Don't be late

just what the subject line said.

Danni


	3. Chapter 3

Tonight is the night, everyone is heading for the nightclub. Where the beer and subwoofers roam.

Written as both Email and discriptive text.

You may even call it a bonus chapter.

* * *

To: Yaris

From: Quackers Duck

Subject: Night club

Hey Yar,

I am hoping you would be free to DJ the club tonight for its grand opening? I should not be asking this but you are a a excellent DJ despite you know .. (I am not being mean just stating the obvious)

So if you want to go just reply as soon as you can

Duck

* * *

To: Duck

From: Yaris

Subject: Re: Night club

Oh alright, I'll go but I can't promise that I'll be in my prime tonigh'. I'll be at the club around 7pm.

Yar

P.S: Try not to over do the grand opening.

* * *

To: Yaris

From: Quackers Duck

Subject: Thanks

You are a mate, free beer this evening.

Duck

P.S: I do not over do things!

* * *

Dannirella was getting ready to go to Euphoria this evening, she was brushing her hair and doing up her nails. She was currently watching a programme while getting dressed. It had been a long day at work and she needed to spend some time with Gordon.

It was all fine and dandy working as Gordon's Intern, but some of the shenanigans that went off today were unusual. Zip and Zug's Commando game took the cake, the amount of destruction left was enormous. She looked at the clock, 5:25 it was early and she got out of her house and into her car. She needed to beat the 'night shift' traffic jams.

She finally reached the car park, the same one that she met Gordon on Monday. She saw a group of people clustered together. She rose an eyebrow and she could swear she saw a flash of wasp striped hair ducking down into the group.

BoCo dyed his hair yet again.

Danni knew that where there is booze there would be all the male staff members of Sodor Telegraph present. Soon a motor bike pulled up and parked itself in the parking space. It was Diesel 10 and his brother Heron, the latter pulling his helmet off causing his hair to ball into a frizzy afro of bright orange. Heron grinned sheepishly as Diesel 10 started attacking him with a comb.

She soon spotted the Star fleeters get out of their SUV Top hat was waring a tailed waist coat and his top hat and bright polished shoes. It looked like he was going to the Horse races than a loud nightclub.

"Choo realise this is a night club not a funeral TP?" Asked Ten Cents asked, poking Top Hat in the ribs.

"I most certainly do little Ten Cents, nice apparel gives you better chances of being noticed."

"Yeah, you'll be noticed as a wee bit egotistical." Quipped O.J.

Ten Cents chuckles lightly before noticing a second SUV pull up, this time it was black and had the words Zed Stacks scrawled on the sides. Out came a very sullen looking Zorran and a pair of really hyper Zip and Zug. Zak and Zebedee jumped out soon after.

Danni's attention snapped back to Diesel 10 and his brother. Heron ended up looking like a cartoon character who stepped out of a dryer. A car pulled up in the space next to her and out stepped Gordon, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket.

"Hello Danni, ready for the night out?" Asked Gordon, taking off his shades as the others arrive. Salty, Vincent and Colin got off the bus and Thomas, Indiana and James got out of Thomas's car.

Unfortunately it was rather cold and several of the arrivals clustered together to keep warm, Danni snuggled up to Gordon as they made their way to the front of Euphoria.

Sunshine pulled his scarf up above his chin as he walked with his mates. The building looked big and exciting big neon signs decorated it.

Sunshine, hoped that the bouncer would let him in.

Duck was busy setting up the tables, this was the first night of the Quackers family business under his management, Duck looked at the back door. He was hoping that Yaris would make it in time to DJ tonight.

Duck However, was having second thoughts about this, he was fumbling around with the glasses. Soon the bar tenders, sweepers and bouncers arrived, Duck sighed in relief. So far so good. The back door creaked open and a all familiar shock of blond hair appeared through the door.

Yaris struggled with a large sub woofer that was bigger than he was, he cursed at the woofer as he shoved it onto the stage. Sitting down and wiping his bangs from his face giving Duck a wry smile.

"Firs' night ey?" Yaris asked, looking directly at Duck.

Duck could only nod, his throat dry. He tore his eyes away from Yaris's piercing gaze. It was almost time and the lights were blinking as Yaris tested them. Once this was done, the night was at a start of the city of light as it were.

"Pity I can't hear music, it really gets everyone up and dancing," Yaris grumbled. While pulling out a vinyl record from its sleeve and onto the turn table. "So much for pity." He added pressing the button.

The lights dimmed down and the music started.

Outside everyone cheered as the doors opened and they were let in, the sound of the speakers hit them like a express engine it was loud!

Heron was already at the dance floor with BoCo dancing, while the others seated themselves at the bar.

Diesel 10 took a swig of his beer and started talking to Zorran about what is the best way to light fire works.

"- The best bet is to ask Billy Shoepack about fireworks, he apparently knows everything there is to know about fireworks!" Zorran Hollered over the blare of music.

"I bet he does, Zeb told me all about Shoepack at lunch today!" Diesel roared over the noise, pinchy snapping shut.

Soon Yaris joined them only to pick up a pint and take it back to the stage, he waved to the bar tender.

"One pint o' Guinness to go." He stated some what tonelessly, he glanced at Zebedee and waved before leaving again to change the music. Most of those at the bar migrated to the dance floor leaving Thomas and Lady alone.

The tension ran high, but it was broken by Thomas shifting in his seat.

"Lady, about the nappy thing -

"-Thomas, you said this already at lunch, I know you did not mean it. But I still stand by what I told you, you are a block head and until you mature, I am not interested." With that she left.

Elsewhere Gordon and Danni were sitting near the quieter part of the club, they were in deep conversation. It was mostly about the internship and what should be done to maintain the system. The sound of heavy metal blared around the club and everyone danced.

"Gordon, Euphoria is very loud." She said voice rising as the decibels got higher.

"Why don't we dance, it is our night out." Gordon purred, holding out his hand. Danni beamed as she took it, they moved into the dance floor. Diesel wolf whistled and this earned him a stomp on the feet by Heron and Indiana.

The ultraviolet lights were on making everyone who is wearing white glow brightly. The music drew to a steady calm beat but still energetic.

Danni and Gordon danced and found the rest joined in, apparently Yaris put on a track from Gaelic storm by accident. Sunshine and Zip were busy scoffing the nachos at the bar, Zorran downed is seventh pint.

Heron was at a table talking to Indiana, they both had their drinks in front of them, neither one touched.

"You know, The main Department has a day off tomorrow. Instead of Wednesday shift, we take Sundays which means we get three days off." Heron stated sipping his pint.

"Oh yeah, what makes you so sure?" Indiana asked skeptically.

Heron produced a time table and spread it out on the table.

"Look, we have Wednesday and Friday off right? This means we have satuday off too. originally it was jus' the week end but Nii changed our sched - smed - timetable around. Don't glare at me like that, there is more rattling up here than masses of red hair."

"So tell me this; Why did you bother talking to me at all?" Indiana asked sullenly.

"A person need someone to talk to, a man goes nuts when there is no one to talk to." Heron replied, staring intently at Indiana.

"Why me?"

"Here I gots a question fer you; Why did you reply to my question when we first arrived to Sodoru?" Heron answered with a question.

Silence.

Heron sat back sipping his pint and grinning, he put his pint down and leaned over the table plucking a staple from Indi's hair.

"It appears staples like you." He said grinning a wide toothy smile showing missing and broken teeth. He got up to get a few nachos.

Meanwhile, Danni and Gordon continued to dance, the music took a calmer more slower tone. Danni leaned into Gordon's chest as they continued their dance without interuptions. The crowd dispersed as the night turned into semi dawn. only a hand full remained.

Duck sat Yaris on one of the bench like seats furthest away from the noise. He lost conciousness and was sound asleep. Duck got toad to cover the Dj post.

"A good night after all Yar, you did great." Duck muttered puling a blanket over the sleeping man. Duck sat down opposite drinking his refreshing water.

Soon the music diminished and everyone vacated the area Duck walked out to his car and got in, Yaris in the back. With that he drove home.

Danni and Gordon exchanged a kiss before getting into their cars. Heron got on his bike and drove off with a very drunk Diesel 10 as the passenger.

Everyone departed feeling pleased with themselves.

Danni smiled widely, she had kissed Gordon!

* * *

To: Rusty

From: Quackers Duck

Subject: Success

Tonight was a great sucess, the music was great. Everyone was talking an' having fun. Euphoria is going to be a sucess!

Duck


	4. Chapter 4

Fist fights and CRT screens

What happens when, order breaks down and Salty is off sick?

This happens

* * *

Thursday morning at 10:30 am

It was all quiet on the Sodor Telegraph campus, not a single loud noise sounded out. Everyone was working hard. The art department had no catastrophes; Indiana never brought his saw blade into the office again. Diesel 10 never gave Thomas his hole puncher back.

It was business as usual, but it is more than just that.

In Harbour management things weren't running so good, the servers were acting up, tempers were running high. The Zed Stacks weren't helping.

To make the matter worse Salty was off sick, leaving Colin in charge.

Vincent was running low on patience today; Zebedee was playing a stupid song over and over again and holding a phone receiver to another phone causing the most irritating screech.

Vince gritted his teeth as he wrote his report, he looked around as Zip and Zug played stock cars with the seats. He took a deep breath and stared at his screen.

"Fore!" A ball of paper pinged off the back of Vince's head, the room fell silent. Vince got up, gripped a stapler and lobbed it right at Zebedee's head. It made a dull thud on the floor. Vince soon found a waste paper basket flying at his head. The situation escalated further. Colin opened his bag and pulled out his mouldy sandwiches and lobbed them at Zak who grabbed a mechanical sharpener and pelted Vincent straight in the eye.

There was silence and then there was trouble, Vincent's eye twitched and he went red in the face and gripped his screen and hurled it right at Zebedee who ducked only to get a printer to the chest from Colin.

Vincent tackled Zebedee to the ground and grabbed his hair and pulled.

They had now used up most of the equipment as weapons, now it was just fist fighting, arms swung and legs kicked and bruises erupted on their persons. Now Zebedee and Vincent were trying to pin each other down on the carpet and punch them in the face.

Vincent got several hits before he got pinned down, Zak and Colin egged them on as Ten Cents, Big Mac, OJ and Top Hat arrived, they tried to break it up but failed as Zak, Zip, Zug and Colin started fighting too.

"Have you delinquents gone mad? Zak, Zip Zug. Vincent. Colin, Zebedee!" Top Hat shouted trying to grab Vincent's collar but failing to get a firm hold.

The fact that he was constantly wriggling free to cream Zebedee who was attempting to do the same to Vincent made it difficult.

Ten Cents was able to get Colin into a headlock while OJ grabbed Zak by his scarf. Big Mac sat on Zug and tied Zip to a chair.

Then they heard a growl and Vincent struggled, he looked really furious. The fight just went to war.

"I'm going to cream ya!" Vincent shouted, wrenching free from Top Hat's grasp and pinning Zebedee down and gave him a thwack on the nose. Vince felt a knee slam into his stomach and a back hand to the face Vince got off and this time he felt his head slam repeatedly on the floor.

"No Bincent **I BILL** be the one do cream dogh," Zebedee hissed, through the blood from his broken nose.

They had each other in a hold not wanting to let each other go, Vincent had Zebedee in a arm bar hold who retaliated by biting Vincent on the leg and holding him in a arm hold instead.

Top Hat tried to get a grip on Vincent's jacket. OJ tried emailing Zorran to deal with them.

Vincent landed on a desk with a crash, he sat up and glared right at the other side of the room, and he had a black eye. He got up and leapt across the room screaming, the sounds of fists hitting 'flesh' and the grunts of pain can be heard quite clearly. Zorran came back from coffee break and now he was met with broken desks and blood on the carpet.

"This is for that Fuckin' uppercut you son of a bitch!" Vincent roared hitting Zebedee with a chair sending him backwards.

Zorran saw Zebedee land head first into the wall; he staggered to his feet, blood oozing from his left eyebrow ridge. He grabbed a window opener stick and charged forward to hit Vincent with it.

"Wanna fight dirty? I give you dirty!" Zebedee shouted twirling the window opening stick around.

Zorran marched over and grabbed the window opener and gripped Vincent's arm and forced him against one side of the room, Top Hat Did the same with Zebedee.

Vincent glared at Zorran who continued to keep his grip on Vincent's arm; Zorran looked him over, a black eye, a bloody nose and a cut eyebrow ridge.

"Get to the med bay or else Sir. T. Hatt will hear of this, you too Zebedee!" Zorran snapped through clenched teeth.

Both men were led off to the med bay, Zug, Zip, Zak and Colin were released and ordered to clear up the mess. Zorran mentally swore at the carnage they left behind, salty is going go ballistic when he sees the mess.

----

At the med bay, Emily wiped off all the blood and put a support plaster on Zebedee's nose, both of them were black and blue. Their clothes were in a pile in the corner, they needed to be washed.

"Tsk, you two really were going for it, what were you fighting about?" She asked clearing blood from Vincent's cheek.

"I forget," Zebedee shrugged looking at his feet.

"You threw a paper ball at me!" Vincent snapped, glaring.

"I did no such thing, I was just heading for the photo copier until you and Zak hit me with the equipment."

"You were making horrid sounds like a trapped mouse on helium!" Vincent bit back.

"I was doing it for one of Colin's reports, 'Why do phones scream at you when they are together?'." Zebedee argued pinching at his nose.

Vincent felt silent and brooded as Emily bandaged his leg. He stared at the florescent light as he was cleaned up and she went over to Zebedee.

"Hey, when did you learn to punch like that?" Vincent asked finally rubbing his eye. It hurt now, they were both calm and they were able to talk without using their fists.

"You like WWE?" Zebedee asked back, "I mean you turned a chair into a weapon."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I have no idea it just happened. No doubt you'll feel that in the morning Vince."

Vincent snorted and they both got clean clothes and put them on, before glaring at each other

Emily pushed them out and they headed to the canteen, it was broccoli Thursday, they got out their packed lunches and sat down glaring at each other.

Zug, Zip and Colin entered the canteen and got their dinners.

Just because they were stopped once doesn't mean they will be stopped the next time.

End.


	5. Chapter 5

Dannirella's dilemma

The aftermath of fist fights and CRT screens

* * *

On that very same day that the huge fight in Harbour Management, Dannirella was delivering windows XP upgrades seeing as everyone is operating on windows 95, until when she went past the Harbour Management, she heard a shout as if the fights starting to begin which she feared the most, to her fights are not only brutal but mainly horrible! Dannirella did not dare to look so instead she began to walk away but just hearing it made her pick up speed and than began to run for her life as if they might get her which made her fear worse!

As Dannirella ran, she ran past Heron who was at the vending machine, waiting for his tea and Polos to come. When he saw her running in such a state and he decided to find out what's wrong with her. Dannirella didn't stop until she went straight back into the IT Department, to her spot and hid under her office desk hoping the fighting nightmare will be over. She took her pencil out from her bag and a few blank sheets of paper and started writing her complaint. She was writing all about how the terrible sounds of stuff being trashed and she even heard a sond of a nose being broken.

Heron poked his head in and looked around, he saw Danni under her desk and, decided to give her his cup of tea, he still had a bottle of dr pepper in his desk drawer.

"Hey Danni are you okay?" He asked.

Danni looked up and took the cup and quietly thanking him, " Yeah, I'm okay. It happened as I was delivering windows XP upgrades seeing as everyone is operating on Windows 95 until when I passed by the Harbour Management, I heard a lot of terrible crashing and shouting in there, I did not dare to look for I figured that there's something I most feared: a heinous fist fight between Zebedee and Vincent and I am running  
away from it! So I ran, I ran and here I am hiding under my desk writing down my complaint on paper."

Heron shook his head and sighed, "Ugh, I just knew that there be a fight in Harbour management, I saw you running and I wanted to see  
if you were okay.

Gordon at that moment walked in,

Dannirella got up and hugged Gordon, "Oh Gordon, thank goodness you're here, everything was fine at first but something I feared has come  
back to haunt me!" She exclaimed.

Gordon looked surprised, not in a good way mind you, "Oh and whats that?"

Heron tried to get out from under the desk but bumps head off the desk "Ow."

Dannirella gulped and started to tell Gordon what she heard, "Well actually I heard a lot of terrible crashing and shouting noise in there as if there's a terrible fight going on at the Harbour Management, it's like my nightmare's coming to life and I am running away from it! It's too much to bear!"

Gordon hugged her close to him, "I am afraid there was a fight down there."

Heron was spinning faster on a chair.

Dannirella nodded, hugging Gordon tighter, "I know, it's horrible, it's one of those things I highly feared."

Gordon looked thoughtful, "I'll have a word with Sir T. Hatt to sort out this incident, I won't get involved ... Heron get off that chair."

Heron got off the chair, "Okay, if you want to I'll send in a complaint too."

"Fortunately, after I got away, I've been writing down my complaints about it too on these papers. It has everything I wrote down about what happened." She said picking up her notes.

Heron walked up, "Do you want me to take them up to Mr. Hatt?" He asked.

Gordon reads the notes "Oh it was that bad?"

Dannirella shook her head sadly, "Yes Gordon, it sure is to me and thank you Heron, I'd be most grateful.

Heron takes the the notes and ran out the door.

Gordon scoops Danni into a hug, "Once the complaints get to Mr. Hatt, hopefully there will be no more fighting."

Dannirella wraps her arms around Gordon, "I sure hope so, and also I just wanted to let you know that unlike that beast Vincent, you are the  
kindest big blue guy I know and I'm grateful that you didn't get involve in this terrible fight."

Gordon smiled, "I don't get involve into fist fights, I just had a word with Colin about it. He doesn't know who actually threw the first "fist"." He replied honestly.

Danirella remained hin Gordon's arms, "Okay."

Heron returned falling flat on his face, he gathered his breath, "Sir Hatt was not in his office, I passed it on to Edward Ni. I ran all the way back here, fell down a few stairs." He told Gordon and Danni.

Dannirella pats heron's shoulder "You did well and you too Gordon." She said, kissing Gordon's cheek.

"Anything for my Danni." Gordon replied stroking her head.

Heron grinned widely, scratching his head.

"I sure hope those guys who caused my nightmare better stop it and be more aware of other people like me are very paranoid  
because of what they did!" She exclaimed.

Edward Ni was in his office, he had just seen Heron put down notes on his desk and leave back the way he came. He stopped to give, Indiana a pack of polos. When Edward had read Dannirella's complaint notes, he went to the IT Department with Toby alongside to see if Dannirella's okay.

"Is Dannirella okay?" He asked urgently, looking around.

Gordon was stroking her back trying to comfort her, "She's doing alright, did you got her notes?" He asked Edward.

Toby looked at Gordon, "Yes, Edward's got them, he'll soon sort this out." He reassured them.

"I hope so, I don't like seeing poor Dannirella like this by those two brutes frightening her like that!" Heron exclaimed, spreading his arms wide in a disgruntled manner

"Heron, go back to the main department, I'll handle this." Edward Promptly went to harbour management. Heron waved to Gordon before leaving.

"W-will Edward be alright going to deal with those... brutal guys?" She stammered.

" I'm sure he'll soon put an end to your nightmare." Toby put in.

"And if Vincent and Zebedee still have as much as a tiny glare that'll cause you paranoia, I'll protect you and take you away from them."

Dannirella hugs him "Thank you Gordie-Pie."

------

Meanwhile Edward was on his way to the Harbour Management with Dannirella's notes and when he got there, Zebedee and Vincent were still  
glaring at each other while they're back to working. Edward pushed open the doors, there were a few splats of blood everywhere and thankfully the trashed desks were removed.

Edward cleared his throat and had a stern look on his face, "Vincent, Zebedee, may I have a work with both of you?"

Vincent and Zebedee left their desks and came to Edward

Zebedee looked impatient, his web page is not responding today. "What is it?"

"Are you two aware of others outside the Harbour Management?" Edward asked Sternly

Zebedee was taken aback by this information "Eh... no."

"Well you should have." Edward said holding out the notes, that he received from Heron.

"What's that about?" Vincent asked gruffly taking the notes from Zebedee.

"Don' snatch." Zeb snapped.

"Dannirella heard the two of you fighting." Stated Edward bluntly.

"Wha-we did not know she's was even there." Zeb replied looking a little shocked.

"Well she Was, her notes told me everything about the way you two were fighting and how much it has frightens her, because of you two  
she feels unsafe while working here and felt like you were going to get her!" Edward shouted

"But we're not after her or to do anything towards her." Vincent cut in, shrugging.

"True but Dannirella thought you were and right now she's still paranoid and at the IT Department with Gordon and Toby trying to calm her down from her paranoia of brutal fights you caused!"

"Geez Eddie... we didn't know she'd take it that hard." Zebedee Zebedee said rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Yeah." Cut in Vincent.

"For your senseless quarreling, I shall have to telephone Mr. Hatt about this! Excuse me for being blunt, pehaps you both should consider to be more aware of those who are outside who are trying to feel safe while working here!" Edward declared pointing his finger at them.

Edward noticed, Zip, Zug, Zak and Colin watching them, he turned towards them.

"And that includes you four as well! This is a office not a boxing ring." He snapped before leaving to phone Sir Toppam Hatt. Zak cleared his throat.

"Naughty, naughty. Temper, temper Zebedee." He teased, before going back to what he was doing. Zebedee glared at Zak's cubicle before restarting his computer. Colin went back to playing games on the internet, Zip and Zug went back to playing stock car races.

---


	6. Chapter 6

You have mail is back! better than ever with more anarchy than ever. and a few new faces.

Jade and Shadow Vortex belong to Ultramewmewfan

Slick belongs to Dangerous radical

Hope you like the chapter!

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Ni Edward

Subject: In Charge

I will be leaving for a confrence with Sir. Hatt, I leave the department to your capable hands, Linus our new Medic personnel has joined us, I hear it cause a panic between Douglas and Zebedee. David bowler said that he is okay and he soohed his brns when he caused another explosion at The art department.

Also I warned The Harbour management the if I catch them fighting there there will be disapline. Make sure everyone gets their assigments in on time.

Mr. Ni

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Bowler David

Subject: Ginge in charge

I heard from Jareth that Zhu Aden is in charge of the Main Department, that can't be good. remember the mayor for the day fiasco. We had to get jade there to calm him down after he got to big for his radiator. Nearly killed a poor bloke. I think we are going to have problems with Spam, I got an email about a application as manager of Missh Times.

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Beds R us

Attach:50% discount.*pub

Subject: Great Beds for half price

Dear Mr. Ichi,

We are willing to show you all of our designer beds that we have in stock, we will be attaching a full flyer to the next email, we would also like to get your contact details

Mrs Sheliah Wells, manageress of Beds r us.

* * *

To: Uran

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: A vacancy

I have a vacancy with the IT Department, I hear that you are not coping very well at Harbour management, You keep having to disarm fights between Vincent and Colin. In the IT department it is tranquil and My wife and I will make you feel welcome. I told Ni about the transfer. before he left the building

Ps. We a new Legal department head, Slick Redding I hear he is very focused on his job.

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Uran

Subject: Hay fever

I have very bad hay fever and I am allergic to the golden rod on Zorran's desk, Vincent threw Zebedee and Colin out the window, apparently Colin spilled latte over Vince's reports and As for Zebedee, I don't think They like each other. Devon told me that the sounds of them fighting sounded like a cat being waxed with duct tape.

Uran.

* * *

To: Vickers BoCO

From: Mavis

Subject: FOR THE LOVE OF!

I thought I said not to dye your hair anymore stupid colours. And not only did you dye your hair hazard striped but it is turquoise and purple! I can understand there is no rigid uniform but still wash out the dye and shave that beard off.

Do not let me catch you with hair dye again!

Mavis

P.S Jade has just shown up I'll get Bill to show her to the main department, she is to be working there. Heron is left in charge I wonder how that will last.

* * *

To: Mavis

From: Vickers BoCo

Subject: Hazard striped

Me turquoise? Never! don't be silly.

* * *

To: Vickers BoCo

From: Mavis

Subject: Lies!

I am opposite to you on the cubicle I can see you. Remove the dye! better yet I'll make a motion to get people to wear uiforms so we won't have this palaver! Vickers I am keeping an eye on you!

Mavis

* * *

To: staff

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Early break

Go and have fun!

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Lady

Why did you call her a dragon lady, wasn't the nappy thing enough, seriously and you call me a moron.

* * *

To Diesel 10

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Wrong

My mother is a fire spewing dragon lady, not lady I doubt your brother has the higher functions allocated to run our department, You'll see it will go to his - woah Colin landed in our pond again, Munitions department had an explosion all new in the sodor telegraph.

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Colin

Attach: Bum.*png

Subject: Chain mail!

* * *

To: Tugs Staff, Steamy staff

From: Zebedee

Attach Bum.*png

Subject: fwd: Chain mail

* * *

To: Diesel Staff

From Ichi Thomas

Attach: Bum.*png

Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Chain mail

* * *

To: Colin:

From: Tram Tobias

Subject: Chain mail

It has come to my attention that you have been spamming everyone's inbox with inappropiate images, I will deactivate your email, be at my office at 2:30 to sort out this incident

T. Tram

* * *

To: Zebedee (Private Gmail account)

From: Zorran (Private Gmail account)

Subject: It worked

The photocopying my butt worked, I let colin take the fall, Aren't I devious.

* * *

To: Zorran (Private Gmail account)

From: Zebedee (Private Gmail account)

Subject: What?

You seriously photocopied your butt? So that's why you pestered someone for the copier, that explains it. Also the spam filter is broken so spam is bombarding our shit servers as it is.

* * *

To Zak

From: Healthy Farmyard brands

Subject: Survey

Attach: Survey.*docX

Dear mr. Z. Zero,

How would you like to join our fitness club? with £45 entree fee you can join all our seminars and classes for up to a year. Our classes will cover a balenced diet, stress management and a physical cross country run.

We will hope to see you at our semminars

Fax: 2345 444556 577

Phone us at 0134 5890

write to us: 434 Avenue House

PO box Midland

Sodouru

England

A45 0PD

Yours sincerily

Welma Wigglebottom

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Zak

Subject: Fwd: Survey

Attach: Survey.*docX

Hey Zeb, get a load of this shit! Copy and pasted for lolz

Dear mr. Z. Zero,

How would you like to join our fitness club? with £45 entree fee you can join all our seminars and classes for up to a year. Our classes will cover a balenced diet, stress management and a physical cross country run.

We will hope to see you at our semminars

Fax: 2345 444556 577

Phone us at 0134 5890

write to us: 434 Avenue House

PO box Midland

Sodouru

England

A45 0PD

Yours sincerily

Welma Wigglebottom

What a load of crock and the name is an epic turn off

* * *

To: Zak

From: Zebedee

Subject: 0_o

That is harrassment, how did they get your email address? And you right Wigglebottom is a turn off. I have had spam coming in by the droves, I delete the office based telemarketing shit and ping! 234 new messages with the same crap! over and over again.

Heron is in charge and I have the feeling he'll get the brunt of the spam.

Urgh!

* * *

To: Shadow Vortex

From: Redding Slick

Subject: Delete inbox

The constant bombardment of spam junk mail is causing the internet to crash, If I had known I would work from a shitty operating system I wouldn't have said yes to the job. 1,999,000 messages in one minute this is madness. Don't even think about tacking on the reply THIS IS SPARTA believe me I heard it a billion times. I am not joking.

I never kid around.

By the way, the court fiasco over the Mssh Times nicking your Celtic boarder design has been sorted. You won the case with my help.

Slick

* * *

To: Redding Slick

From: Shadow Vortex

Subject Re: Delete inbox

Already deleted the spam junk mail, as for the Celtic thing thank you I suppose. Advice to you keep those belt loopies attached to your trousers/pants away from printers. Can't have you breaking things.

* * *

To Shadow Vortex

From: Redding Slick

Subject: Break things

That's the bad side for being so strong you by accident/on purpose break stuff. Besides don't let the boss catch you with that staff of yours. I already heard another person getting in trouble for it a saw blade to be precise..

Slick.

* * *

To: Uran

From: Gordon

Subject: We have tulips and roses, I hope they don't aggravate your hay fever too much. Tell everyone to delete mail from thier inbox Spam Spot is having fits.

* * *

To: Devon

From: Clay bill

Subject: Explosions

What do you do in there anyway all I hear is boom!

* * *

To: Clay Bill

From: Devon

Subject: re: Explosions

Testing munitions it is a dangerous department, you will have to get the paper work from the legal department so that Mavis can sign it for you to get in the entire Munitions floor.

Devon

* * *

To: Bluebell Stepney

From: Bowler David

Subject: Is it me or are we having spam epidemic I got spam saying about alcoholics anonymous I do not drink everyone knows that. I get poorly when I drink alcohol.

Dave.

* * *

To: Bowler David, Horrid Hector, Molly

From: San Henry

Subject: Transfer

Since Redding got my job I am to be moved to the art department so I'll be helping you print the week's Sodor Telegraph, I have all the reports from all the departments. I'll be arriving to your department.

To: San Henry

From: Molly

Subject: Re: Transfer

Great another hand for our small department, I am looking forward to your contribution this is a special edition show casing the day in the life of the building.

Gowd Help us all

* * *

To: Molly

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Reports from Main Department

Attach: reports .*zip

A Zip folder with everyone's reports ready to be published. We need it to be in the newsagents by this afternoon.

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Zebedee

Subject: Zip

Have you seen him, He hasn't come back from the errand Salty put him on. I was wondering if you saw him?

* * *

To: Zebedee

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Re: Zip

Indiana is bringing him en route to Harbour management as we speak.

* * *

To: Jade

From: Ni Edward (out office email)

Subject: Dinner

Do you want to go have dinner

* * *

To: Ni Edward

From: Jade

Subject: Subject: Yes at Duck's nightclub

Subject line.

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Redding Slick

Subject: urgent

I need the lists of all the departments, for my records.

* * *

To: Redding Slick

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Re: Urgent

MAIN DEPARTMENT - THIRD FLOOR

HARBOR MANAGEMENT - FOURTH FLOOR

MUNITIONS - FIFTH FLOOR

ART DEPARTMENT - SIXTH FLOOR

RESOURCES/MEDICAL: - FIRST FLOOR

SIR. C. T. HATT - SEVENTH FLOOR

LEGAL DEPARTMENT - EIGHTH FLOOR

CANTEEN/KITCHENS: GROUND FLOOR TO THE RIGHT OF RECEPTION

Don't loose this.

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Redding Slick

Subject: (no subject)

Cheers!

* * *

To: all Staff

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Emails

Do not attempt to reopen your inboxes the intire building intranet has been damaged by the spam so you can carry on as normal but you must not go into your emails. Sorry for the inconvenience


	7. Chapter 7

Thursday today and things are getting noisy as Vuvuzela craze sweeps the building, irritating the at least sane employees. Oh dear a catastrophe is bound to happen as the craze takes hold. one department at a time.

What else will happen today?

* * *

To: Redding Slick

From: Jonan Kevin

Subject: Tsk tsk

Thursday morning and you already got your belt straps caught in a printer, seriously though why do you look so formal, at least come in with just your shirt, Don't glare at me like that. I wasn' the one who placed the printer at hip hieght. I was guessing Henry is the culprit. he likes to keep printers, faxers and photocopiers where he can get to them. feel free to ajust them to your own height.

Kev

* * *

To: Jonan Kevin

From: Redding Slick

Subject: Re: Tsk tsk

Oh very amusing. Anyway it was a good thing we had an unexpected day off, I was this close to stabbing my computer with my envelope opener, the spam was horrendous, I mean how can we get a bloody newspaper out when our computers are drowning in junk mail. I was suprised the server didn't die on us at this bloody rate. Tch I am five times San's size and I don't apriciate getting MY clothes inky and chewed up kthx! LIKE NOW FOR EXAMPLE TURN THE PRINTER OFF DAMN IT!

Great it'll take all night getting cyan ink out of my coat! Urgh and Jason is still refusing to get a fucking job! that is what I get for opening my home to fuzors. This is the very last time that I'll do such a thing! moochers, drama asses and BSOD is what this is sounding like!

By the way, did you see Heron this morning he is wearing a checkered shirt today, no doubt that will spread like wild fire. By the way check your post there is a letter for you.

Slick

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Shirt

Why are you dressed as a Lumberjack or in this case Lumber ginge? So hows the being in charge, not gone to your head yet?

Thomas

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Heron Zhu aden

Subject: Re: Shirt

Oh shut up Thomas, I had been called Lumber ginge, Paul Ginger bunion and all that so I am putting my foot down NO. MORE. GINGER JOKES! its like making fun of me if I dye my hair black would that suit your jackassery?

* * *

To: Yaris

From: Uran

Subject: Zebedee

Is not in today he is not feeling well and his eyes hurt. It could be conjunctivitis again, Let Salty know.

By the way I got a mail saying Redding failed epically when he got chomped by a printer, he should remove those loops from his pants, they are going to cause problems.

Uran.

* * *

To: Salty

From: Paddle OJ

Subject: Hear that?

Utter silence, no Zebedee to fuel fights today. Well Colin is taking over Zebedee's jobs today which means a visit to the Legal department, Munitions and finally to reasources. I have a feeling we need to board windows up.

* * *

To: Paddle OJ

From: Salty

Subject: Re: Hear that

Ah tis a rare sound indeed OJ. But it won't last Zak, Zip and Zug have just walked through the door yelling about the football and looks like Zak found Zebedee's Vevuzela horn oh no they are blowing it at the legal limit of noise pollution! And it appears to be spreading across the department.

oh vey

* * *

To: Salty

From: Shadow Vortex

Subject: Vuvuzelas

The entire resources are blowing the damnable things non stop since 8:45 this morning, who started the damn thing?

S. Vortex

* * *

To: staff

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Vuvuzelas

bzzzzzzzzzzzt headaches galore

* * *

To: Roku Percy

From: Diesel 10

Subject: the torture

Vevuzelas are like the Daleks, they are everywhere ... NUUUUUUUUUUUU NOT THE SMELTER TWINS!

* * *

To Diesel 10

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Invasion

Arry and Bert are in the department had just wound Diesel 10 and James up with Vuvuzelas. The madness is preading to the point of being out of control, oh dear I can here the whole building alive with the sound of those things. No doubt someone is going to put their foot down. Shadow Vortex will put a stop to it.

* * *

To: Redding Slick

From: Colin

Subject: Loopies

I hear you had a fail with a printer, I'll be up there giving you contracts to sort and sign. It is about allowing Z stacks and the stars join our work force permanently. They need your sig and posted to the TUG evening press by lunch. You are important in making the place run like clockwork. Coupled with dealing with insanity to boot.

* * *

To: Colin

From: Redding Slick

Subject: One condition

No flamin' Vuvuzelas, i can here them front right and centre. they sound like a swarm of angry bees dumped on your head. Can't hear yourself think let alone shift through contracts outstanding.

Slick

* * *

To: Devious Diesel

From Ichi Thomas

Subject: Vuvuzelas

Who started the craze

* * *

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Devious Diesel

Subject: Re: Vuvuzelas

Zebedee started it according to a migraine riddled Zak at the Cafe.

* * *

To: Zebedee (Private Gmail account)

From: Zorran (Private Gmail account)

Subject: Dipstick

You in the subject line! You should get rid of that damn thing, Zip got his mitts on it and has sparked a building wide craze! All the department brought theirs in you moron.

* * *

To: Zorran (Private Gmail account)

From: Zebedee (Private Gmail account)

Subject: What?

Whoops.

* * *

To Zak

From: Star Hercules

Subject: Noise

Tell your big brother To get rid of any loud vuvuzelas he has stashed in his cupboards, no repeats of today

* * *

To: Indiana

From: Zak

Subject: Lunch is 15 minutes away, by then the noise would have ceased by then. I reckon you are sick of it too. It's giving me a whopper of a headache. Zip is next to me blowing that thing 380 degrees around in damn circles. it is effectively driving me up the wall and down the river bend

* * *

To: Zak

From: Indiana

Subject ...

Urgh! I cant take the constand buzzing, I don't think Sir Hatt will allow such stupidity reign I have to get pain killers for this headache. I heard from Uran that Danni is feeling ancious about all this mess. As if witnessing a full blown fight between Vincent and Zebedee was enough and now un believable noise from plastic tubes that sound like bottled bees on a rampage.

thankfully the catering department banned the use of them before today. By the time lunch rolls around the kids get bored with the noisy buggers and we can at last hear ourselves think for once.

Zak

* * *

To: Shadow Vortex

From: Redding Slick

Subject: Contracts and bees

Well I sent the signed form to the Scottish Telegraph granting Sir. Fatty the employer do whatsit over douglas, yourself and Donald. I would be more technical but I have had Vuvuzelas blasting in my ears all bloody morning and my mind cannot think through it.

Comes to my second point, it is surprising how the day turns into a complete cock up when one person sparks a match to a noisy bottle of propane. this makes it a highly 'laughable' If I ever hear someone blow those damn things again I will rip their arms out the sockets.

Slick

* * *

To: Redding Slick

From: Shadow Vortex

Subject Re: Contracts and bees

Ah I was able to stamp out the noisy fire at my Department no problem.

* * *

To Shadow Vortex

From: Redding Slick

Subject: ...

That's toh so great of you, oh let the building be blessed by your ever so high gift. Hurrah, hurrah.

Slick.

* * *

To: Uran

From: Gordon

Subject: Well we have to get lunch now. Lets go.

* * *

To: Devon

From: Clay bill

Subject: Its quiet

Well the vuvuzela has gone for once a peace and quiet

* * *

To: Clay Bill

From: Devon

Subject: re: its quiet

Thank god for that

Devon

* * *

To: Bluebell Stepney

From: Bowler David

Subject: It was fun while it lasted (Vuvuzelas I mean)

Dave.

* * *

To: Yon Gordon

From: Dannirella

Subject: Finally Heron stamped the noise makers out

Since 8:45 this morning it has been disruptive and horrible place to work in.

* * *

To: Dannirella

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: That is a relief

I think the bombardment of complaints made him stamp this palaver out, I cannot let you feel scared by all this again.

Gordon

* * *

To: Molly

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Reports from Main Department

Attach: reports .*zip

A Zip folder with everyone's reports ready to be published. We need it to be in the newsagents by this afternoon.

* * *

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Zak

Subject: Zip

Have you seen him? Confiscate his vuvuzela ASAP

* * *

To: Zak

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Re: Zip

Indiana took care of it before he set this mess off again.

* * *

To: Top Hat

From: Zak

Subject: What I think of you

All the day you had been watching us deal with this shit day in for the last hours of the day and yet you do nothing about it! You are a utter snob, I pity everyone that has to put up with you. seriously I do frankly you suck

Zak

* * *

To: Zak

From: Top Hat

Subject: What?

You are a obnoxious twerp how dare you call me a snob!

* * *

To: Ni Edward

From: Jade

Subject: Pig

I do as I please I am not in your star fleet so I don't have to listen to you bitch and boast that you are better than everyone else.

Zak

Blunt is my name!

* * *

To: Staff

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: That is it!

Tomorrow I expect work to be done! So get on with it! or else I will be considering firing lioterers and work shy individuals!

* * *

To: Indiana#

From: Go James:

Subject: Heron

Its gone to his head again! this ios going to be a fine kettle of fish.


End file.
